I found this butterfly wing yesterday...
"Who are you?" said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I — I hardly know, Sir, at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then."
"What do you mean by that?" said the Caterpillar, sternly. "Explain yourself!"
"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir," said Alice, "because I'm not myself, you see."
"I don't see," said the Caterpillar.
"I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Alice replied, very politely, "For I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing." -- Alice, L.C.
You are here. And by you, I mean me. Did you ever do those vomit draft writing excercises? And by you, this time I mean you because I have and I am now. They are a really wonderful way to get all the junk out of your head and down onto a page. Like morning pages from the Artist's Way...(by the by, if you have never done the Artist's Way -- DO IT! Do it! ). They are a great way to start your day, by writing in stream of conscienceness to get beyond the active critic in your mind and to dig deeper. And we could all afford to dig a little deeper, am I right? a couple days till the Fall Equinox. Good timing... Just keep writing. I am tired from a long day of travel. We just got home from a weekend trip to see my little brother and sister- in -law. New home owners. We have been painting their house. Strange that this is one of the few times that I have been able to share "regular life experiences" with our family. We are usually in a show and rehearsals/performances keep us from travel. I am so happy we could share in their experience & lend a hand. What all have I missed? Can't even really go there right now...It is the old actor lament that we all talk about too much but it doesn't get easier from the talking about it...We miss things and it sucks. But them there's the brakes. It was good times to be together but in that stressful good way, time is too short. We love Ram Daas and I can't help but think of his fabulous quote...something along the lines of "if you think you have reached enlightenment, go visit your family." Christ. And since I am doling out advice here watch his documentary Fierce Grace...But be ready to upload serious inspiration. I am already off topic but I am still typing. Transformation. Right, stay focused. Ok. I am a believer in signs. Read the universe's sign posts. As Paulo Coelho calls it the language of God but I went to a private Baptist School as a kid so I still sometimes get a visceral reaction from the G word and not in the way that my teachers would have hoped for...That made me smile. That tells you a lot about me. Transformations. Who are you? Good question. Where is this coming from? Is it because I have been with my family? Is it because I have a new "job?" I go through this all the time... Is it because as an artist I can't really go more than about a week without having an identity crisis? When I am not acting -- and I mean when I am not acting right this minute -- studying a play -- I get a little weird. An older actor who was a true star in the regional theatre world and whom I respect very much once told me some words of wisdom that haunt me to this day..."Kid, if you aren't acting, you can't call yourself an actor." Whoa. Yeah. So am I not an actor until my next rehearsal process? I mean I am booked so can I still call myself an actor? Who are you? Oh yeah, back to the signs...So I found this butterfly wing in my brother's driveway yesterday or was it this morning? It stopped me in my tracks. So beautiful but upon closer examination -- as you can see -- broken...So of course I look up broken butterfly wings...Sidebar -- do any other actors worry about their google search history? We look up some weird shit or is it me? I found what I am sure would have been a great article on the strength of butterfly wings from NASA/Smithsonian Astrophysics Data System but am not invested enough to pay $30 bucks for the article. So instead -- Did you know "
I'm a southern gal with liberal politics who has worked my ass off and sacrificed a lot in order to be a working regional theatre actor. There are lots of working actors who are out here grinding without begin famous. And we consider that we have already MADE it. I really like to tell stories and solve the puzzle of the text. I LOVE untangling scripts and unlocking characters. I really give a damn about the planet and am an avid gardener. I love to get my hands dirty. I am completely fascinated by fellow journey(man) actors and how we survive and thrive. Ballin' on a budget, Baby. http://www.rachelburttram.com/